Today was "Attitude Adjustment Day". Every week I arrive with food in hand, in my effort to provide sustenance to my ailing pals. Some of them have no appetite at all and look like skeletons covered with skin while others seem to enjoy having something to snack on. I feel like there is so little that I can do and this seems to be something that most everyone can enjoy to some degree.
As I arrived I popped my head in the Chemo room and my new friend that I wrote about recently who is terminal, was already there and I noticed that there was a chair next to her that was vacant so I quickly staked my claim. As I approached the chair I noticed that her nose was bandaged and she had cuts and bruises on her face. I asked her how she was doing and she said fine and then I asked her about her about the condition of her face. She explained that her friend had picked her up and they were just driving away, and she didn't have her seat belt on yet, when someone rear-ended them. Being unrestrained her face hit the dashboard and as a result she sustained a broken nose and all those cuts and scraps and bruises. This lady needs some serious TLC and I am going to give it my best shot. We had a nice visit today and I feel like I am making some headway.
Before they start the Chemo they have to administer several other drugs that help you to tolerate the chemo. One of the things that they give me a hefty dose of Benadryl. I swear it takes less than a minute for that to kick in. It just washes over my body and I get so sleepy and suddenly it is lights out. Now, one of the side effects, there are many and some are more endearing than others, is this sinus condition that I have had since December. I have difficulty breathing and therefore snoring is a serious problem. When I am at home snuggled in my bed and it is only Doug, who knows all my good qualities and manages to overlook the bad ones, that I am annoying it isn't so bad, well for me. However, snoring in public while probably drooling down my chin is something else again. I have now made Arla, my nurse, promise with an oath written in blood, hers not mine, because she can spare the white cells right now, that she will never let me embarrass myself while I am there. I in turn promised that if she woke me up I would try not to eject myself out of my recliner, but if by some chance I do eject that I would try to stick the landing and make her proud.
The comfy recliner that I was lucky enough to stake out today just happened to be in the corner of the room with plenty of room to recline and even a hanging plant over my head for decoration. Really the service is very good. After all I bring the snack which Arla serves me and she hooks me up to liquid refreshment, I usually end up taking a nap and they provide the pillow and homemade quilt. Note to self: Check to see if they have a point system like the Marriott? I mean seriously, I think next time I will leave a tip.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
MY ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT
Wednesday is the day that I go for Chemotherapy Treatments and I have referred to it as, "Chemo Day." I have, however, decided to rename this day to"Attitude Adjustment Day" and this is the reason why. It seems like every time I go I am fortunate enough to meet someone absolutely and completely amazing. I did a posting about my experience last week and this week was another "grab you by the heart leaving you speechless fighting back the tears" experience. The woman I met was, as near as I could tell, about my age. I introduced myself and was immediately impressed by her big smile and pleasant demeanor. I asked her about her circumstances and how treatment was going for her and found out that we were following the very same regimen only she was ahead of me by a few weeks. I asked her how the dreaded 8 weeks of AC (Adriamyacin and Cytoxin) had gone for her and she took a deep breath and winced at the thought of it. I told her that I really understood her pain and how glad I was to be done with that part of the treatment. Then came the "adjustment." She told me how she had been diagnosed in October and started the dreaded AC and it was right after treatment # 2 that her husband had surgery for a routine hernia repair. As a result of his surgery he suffered a bowel obstruction which then resulted in severe infection and he suddenly died in November. I sat there almost not believing what I was hearing and then without even thinking reached out to hug this courageous lady. I asked her how she was dealing with all of this and she said that it had been a very very difficult 5 months but that she was figuring it out. My experience hadn't even scratched the surface of her pain. Gratitude for all that I have been blessed with completely filled my soul and I vowed once again to try to lift, support and ease the pain.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
THE GOODNESS OF PEOPLE IS ASTOUNDING
From the very first day that I was diagnosed with cancer I have had been the recipient of so much love and support that it is difficult to describe how I feel. I understand how a heart can "overflow with gratitude" because mine has been overflowing for months. I appreciate the love of family and friends and feel completely unworthy and humbled to my very core. You have taught me so much, thank you.
I have had a "secret pixie" who started dropping off notes of encouragement and little gifts early in December never missing one day. I wanted to share a letter that this person left for me on my last day of intense chemo, along with some beautiful roses.
"Dear Linda,
In early December before your chemotherapy began, I heard you say that you had decided that anyone can do just about anything for eight weeks. In trying to decide what I could do to lend support over those first difficult eight weeks, the idea of the daily positive thought formulated in my mind. I promptly purchased 60 pink envelopes and began gathering what I hoped would be uplifting and inspirational words to help you through the first 56 days of treatment. I can't believe those days are now behind you! I'm so happy for you!
I want you to know how much my entire family has loved participating in this small daily service. I'm sure you have seen at least one of us dashing away from your doorstep. Your sweet thank you cards and kind gifts helped my children understand that service is rewarding in more ways than one! Thank you for your thoughtfulness. We hope that even if you know who we are that we can forever remain your "secret note pixies".
I know that you have made it over this major hurdle but that there will still be difficult days ahead. So we would like to continue sending words of encouragement you way, but perhaps weekly will suffice so that it won't grow old.
Please know that your courage and dignity have truly been more inspirational than any profound quote I could ever share. Your example of faith will not only bless the lives of your children and grandchildren, but all of us who know and love you. When challenges come into my life, as I know they will, I will lean on your example of strength.
With gratitude and love,
Your Secret Note Pixie
What a great lesson in service this inspired Mom has taught me.
I have had a "secret pixie" who started dropping off notes of encouragement and little gifts early in December never missing one day. I wanted to share a letter that this person left for me on my last day of intense chemo, along with some beautiful roses.
"Dear Linda,
In early December before your chemotherapy began, I heard you say that you had decided that anyone can do just about anything for eight weeks. In trying to decide what I could do to lend support over those first difficult eight weeks, the idea of the daily positive thought formulated in my mind. I promptly purchased 60 pink envelopes and began gathering what I hoped would be uplifting and inspirational words to help you through the first 56 days of treatment. I can't believe those days are now behind you! I'm so happy for you!
I want you to know how much my entire family has loved participating in this small daily service. I'm sure you have seen at least one of us dashing away from your doorstep. Your sweet thank you cards and kind gifts helped my children understand that service is rewarding in more ways than one! Thank you for your thoughtfulness. We hope that even if you know who we are that we can forever remain your "secret note pixies".
I know that you have made it over this major hurdle but that there will still be difficult days ahead. So we would like to continue sending words of encouragement you way, but perhaps weekly will suffice so that it won't grow old.
Please know that your courage and dignity have truly been more inspirational than any profound quote I could ever share. Your example of faith will not only bless the lives of your children and grandchildren, but all of us who know and love you. When challenges come into my life, as I know they will, I will lean on your example of strength.
With gratitude and love,
Your Secret Note Pixie
What a great lesson in service this inspired Mom has taught me.
I'M FINALLY BACK.....
It has been a long time since I did any blogging and I really should be asked to turn in my blogging badge.
I have finished with the toughest part of my Chemo Treatment and I am so happy to be saying Adios to that. I just had my second of twelve chemo treatments today which is a much easier treatment. I have many of the standard side effects but none of the difficult ones from the first round of treatments and this is going to be a piece of cake. The lady who administers my treatments told me that not everyone reacts so favorably and so once again my heart is very full of gratitude. Today while at Chemo, which is done in a room filled with maybe 20 Recliners lined up against the walls with everyone is in close proximity, I happened to sit next to a lady who was maybe my age or a little younger who shared some of her story with me. She had gone to the doctor for a physical for insurance and they discovered that she had a brain turmor which had also mestasized to her lungs. She said that the doctor's have told her that she is terminal and that she will probably do Chemo for the rest of her life, however long that is. Let me tell you if that doesn't throw life into perspective then nothing will. I wish I could take back any tears of discouragement I have cried. After I finished treatment I made it to the solitude of my car and I started weeping for this lady. I vowed today that I would make her a priority every time I go for treatment. Last week there was a lady who was completing her final treatment that day and I congratulated her and wished her well and there were hugs all around but somehow it seemed anticlimactic. Shouldn't there be party hats and people wearing funny noses to celebrate? Today I got my answer - not everyone will be so fortunate. For now there will have to be well wishes, hugs and congratulations and a few tears all around.
I have finished with the toughest part of my Chemo Treatment and I am so happy to be saying Adios to that. I just had my second of twelve chemo treatments today which is a much easier treatment. I have many of the standard side effects but none of the difficult ones from the first round of treatments and this is going to be a piece of cake. The lady who administers my treatments told me that not everyone reacts so favorably and so once again my heart is very full of gratitude. Today while at Chemo, which is done in a room filled with maybe 20 Recliners lined up against the walls with everyone is in close proximity, I happened to sit next to a lady who was maybe my age or a little younger who shared some of her story with me. She had gone to the doctor for a physical for insurance and they discovered that she had a brain turmor which had also mestasized to her lungs. She said that the doctor's have told her that she is terminal and that she will probably do Chemo for the rest of her life, however long that is. Let me tell you if that doesn't throw life into perspective then nothing will. I wish I could take back any tears of discouragement I have cried. After I finished treatment I made it to the solitude of my car and I started weeping for this lady. I vowed today that I would make her a priority every time I go for treatment. Last week there was a lady who was completing her final treatment that day and I congratulated her and wished her well and there were hugs all around but somehow it seemed anticlimactic. Shouldn't there be party hats and people wearing funny noses to celebrate? Today I got my answer - not everyone will be so fortunate. For now there will have to be well wishes, hugs and congratulations and a few tears all around.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
This Will Not get the Breast of Me !
THIS WILL NOT GET THE BREAST OF ME.....
Today was the day of "the first Chemo treatment". One down and only 15 more to go. I have dreaded it and welcomed it all at the same time. I was nervous about all the unknown but so anxious to get on with this show. Here are some things I have learned:
The cancer community is a complete sub-culture that I didn't realize even existed. They love, lift and support everyone.
I keep meeting people who want to "give back". For example, today at Chemo they gave me two gifts. One was a bag full of things to help you during Chemo like several books, a journal, a crocheted scarf and hat, a ball cap, lotion, mouthwash, a little notebook that you can put in your purse to take notes and more. The second gift was a little padded fleece pillow-like thing that you use with your seatbelt strap so it doesn't rub on the Port-a-Catheter ( a device that is surgically implanted just under your collar bone that they use to administer the ). Now here is the amazing part - the first gift is from a cancer support group and they provide these for everyone. The second gift came from the husband of a woman currently going through Chemo. He comes to all of her appointments with his fleece, batting, needle and thread and while she is getting her treatment he makes his gifts. I will share some other stories later. This has caused me to think, HOW CAN I GIVE BACK? I'm working on that.....
I just read an article written by Elizabeth Edwards (John Edwards wife) who is battling cancer. She said this, "We spend our lives weaving a tapestry of sorts. The largest ribbons of color are our family and closest friends. But a tapestry made up of just these has gaps. The other people we weave into our lives - some only as thin threads - are what give our life its texture and its strength. They fill the gaps in the most amazing ways. Their colors reflect on the ribbons and on us. Weaving them into our tapestry creates for each of us a magnificent, dense and interesting life. And when life takes a wrong turn, that tapestry becomes a blanket (bound together by our faith in God) that we can wrap around us or a safety net into which we can fall."
Thank you to everyone for your phone calls, email's, gifts, cards and prayers. You have all taught me the true meaning of friendship, love and compassion. I LOVE YOU !
Love,
Linda
Today was the day of "the first Chemo treatment". One down and only 15 more to go. I have dreaded it and welcomed it all at the same time. I was nervous about all the unknown but so anxious to get on with this show. Here are some things I have learned:
The cancer community is a complete sub-culture that I didn't realize even existed. They love, lift and support everyone.
I keep meeting people who want to "give back". For example, today at Chemo they gave me two gifts. One was a bag full of things to help you during Chemo like several books, a journal, a crocheted scarf and hat, a ball cap, lotion, mouthwash, a little notebook that you can put in your purse to take notes and more. The second gift was a little padded fleece pillow-like thing that you use with your seatbelt strap so it doesn't rub on the Port-a-Catheter ( a device that is surgically implanted just under your collar bone that they use to administer the ). Now here is the amazing part - the first gift is from a cancer support group and they provide these for everyone. The second gift came from the husband of a woman currently going through Chemo. He comes to all of her appointments with his fleece, batting, needle and thread and while she is getting her treatment he makes his gifts. I will share some other stories later. This has caused me to think, HOW CAN I GIVE BACK? I'm working on that.....
I just read an article written by Elizabeth Edwards (John Edwards wife) who is battling cancer. She said this, "We spend our lives weaving a tapestry of sorts. The largest ribbons of color are our family and closest friends. But a tapestry made up of just these has gaps. The other people we weave into our lives - some only as thin threads - are what give our life its texture and its strength. They fill the gaps in the most amazing ways. Their colors reflect on the ribbons and on us. Weaving them into our tapestry creates for each of us a magnificent, dense and interesting life. And when life takes a wrong turn, that tapestry becomes a blanket (bound together by our faith in God) that we can wrap around us or a safety net into which we can fall."
Thank you to everyone for your phone calls, email's, gifts, cards and prayers. You have all taught me the true meaning of friendship, love and compassion. I LOVE YOU !
Love,
Linda
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
"KEEPING YOU A BREAST"
September 11, 2007, I had an appointment for my yearly mammogram. It was uneventful except for the usual "fun" associated with such tests. Then I got the phone call to return for a second mammogram. This one confirmed that there were some microcalcifications present in the right breast and the radiologist recommended that I do a biopsy of the area. The 3 days that I waited to get the results from that biopsy were very long days. Unfortunately, when the call came from Doctor Noorian, he substaniated the diagnosis that I had BREAST CANCER. When I hung up the phone I just stood there waiting for my brain to catch-up to what my ears had just heard. I didn't cry because it didn't seem real. Had he just told me that I had The Big "C"? I called Doug at the office to tell him and thus began a very strange journey.
Since that time I have had a chest X-Ray, Pap-smear, MRI, another biopsy this time on the left and right , a CAT Scan, an Ultrasound, blood work, EKG and a PET Scan and another biopsy. I am starting to feel like a lab rat. Tim, my son-in-law told me that they should donate me to science. From all this they determined that I have Stage II Invasive Breast Cancer with 2 enlarged and suspicious lymph nodes. Wow! When they tell you this news it is like somebody just sucked all the air out of the room or punched you in the stomach. Then came the unpleasant task of calling my family and friends. Those were difficult phone calls to make especially to my children. I knew that this news was going to be shocking, frightening and painful and I could hardly bare that thought but I knew that it must be done. To further complicate the situation Morgan, who is playing soccer at the University of Utah, tore her ACL, LCL, the lateral and medial meniscuses, while playing in a game this same week. How would she handle my news on top of what she was already dealing with? What about McKay serving his mission in Indiana? How would he deal with this news and would it distract him from his mission? All I can say is that I seriously underestimated the strength and faith of my children. They circled the wagons and in those moments when I needed their strength they carried me. I wrote a letter to McKay to tell him and the letter that I received back from him astounded me. In it he said many comforting things and then he closed with this, "I love you guys so much and thank you for everything that you do for me. I miss you all very much and this mountain that we have all run into is nothing. Think of it like this. When you are mountain climbing you can't do it by yourself, you need a team to work together to get things done and to give support. We need to do that very thing. The Lord gave us a mountain so we could learn how to climb. We need to stick together and become stronger. I love you guys!!!!! Love Elder Skeen" Lead by Doug, everyone jumped into action. Megan became a breast cancer expert in a week and everyone was helping and supporting each other. I'm telling you they are truly amazing.
At this point I have surgery scheduled for Friday, November 16. Deciding on the surgical procedures was a grueling process, some of the most difficult decisions I have ever made. That is a whole blog post all of it's own. The most amazing part of this journey has been all the blessings that have come as a result of it. I have learned so much. There have been little epiphanies and personal revelations and deeper understandings and I have seen the hand of The Lord working in my life every single day over and over again and I feel very grateful.
I have come to see this as a difficult experience with many blessings and countless opportunites attached to it. I have been handed a very special chance to teach my children and grandchildren how we deal with difficult times and challenges in our lives and to demonstrate by example, my faith that the Lord knows us and loves us and He is the source of the peace that we seek.
Since that time I have had a chest X-Ray, Pap-smear, MRI, another biopsy this time on the left and right , a CAT Scan, an Ultrasound, blood work, EKG and a PET Scan and another biopsy. I am starting to feel like a lab rat. Tim, my son-in-law told me that they should donate me to science. From all this they determined that I have Stage II Invasive Breast Cancer with 2 enlarged and suspicious lymph nodes. Wow! When they tell you this news it is like somebody just sucked all the air out of the room or punched you in the stomach. Then came the unpleasant task of calling my family and friends. Those were difficult phone calls to make especially to my children. I knew that this news was going to be shocking, frightening and painful and I could hardly bare that thought but I knew that it must be done. To further complicate the situation Morgan, who is playing soccer at the University of Utah, tore her ACL, LCL, the lateral and medial meniscuses, while playing in a game this same week. How would she handle my news on top of what she was already dealing with? What about McKay serving his mission in Indiana? How would he deal with this news and would it distract him from his mission? All I can say is that I seriously underestimated the strength and faith of my children. They circled the wagons and in those moments when I needed their strength they carried me. I wrote a letter to McKay to tell him and the letter that I received back from him astounded me. In it he said many comforting things and then he closed with this, "I love you guys so much and thank you for everything that you do for me. I miss you all very much and this mountain that we have all run into is nothing. Think of it like this. When you are mountain climbing you can't do it by yourself, you need a team to work together to get things done and to give support. We need to do that very thing. The Lord gave us a mountain so we could learn how to climb. We need to stick together and become stronger. I love you guys!!!!! Love Elder Skeen" Lead by Doug, everyone jumped into action. Megan became a breast cancer expert in a week and everyone was helping and supporting each other. I'm telling you they are truly amazing.
At this point I have surgery scheduled for Friday, November 16. Deciding on the surgical procedures was a grueling process, some of the most difficult decisions I have ever made. That is a whole blog post all of it's own. The most amazing part of this journey has been all the blessings that have come as a result of it. I have learned so much. There have been little epiphanies and personal revelations and deeper understandings and I have seen the hand of The Lord working in my life every single day over and over again and I feel very grateful.
I have come to see this as a difficult experience with many blessings and countless opportunites attached to it. I have been handed a very special chance to teach my children and grandchildren how we deal with difficult times and challenges in our lives and to demonstrate by example, my faith that the Lord knows us and loves us and He is the source of the peace that we seek.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
NEWS FROM INDIANA
McKay has become very close with a family in Columbus named the Pesce's. Sister Pesce has been battling cancer for quite some time and it has now returned for a fourth time. There isn't very much that the doctor's can do for her and they are telling her that her time is short. This has been a difficult experience for McKay to watch and he talked about it in his last letter.
"......she is just the coolest lady, next to the Dre of course, but she is just amazing. She is like my Mom on my mission because she is always telling me what to do and about life and marriage and all this stuff. Every night when I am praying, I get to the point where I am praying for her and I start to cry. I wish I could take on some of her pains and just let her sleep good for one night and feel good for just one day. I want to help her and she says that I do, but I want to do more than just clean her car and things like that - I am struggling with it right now.
.....We are playing dodge ball today and we are taking some of the youth with us, it should be fun. I am sending some pictures of our dodge ball team, we are really sick!
Paul is getting baptized this weekend and I will be baptizing him. I am really stoked for that and I want to feel extra worthy and in tune so I have been focusing on that.
Someone tried to break into our house last night through the roof and someone stole a bunch of money from Vic, the guy who owns the furniture store we live in, so we are going to start carrying knives with us ( ha ha ha, just kidding don't freak out Mom). But I have to go. I love you guys very much. I got the pictures of Clayton. I love you all and thanks for everything.
Elder Skeen
"......she is just the coolest lady, next to the Dre of course, but she is just amazing. She is like my Mom on my mission because she is always telling me what to do and about life and marriage and all this stuff. Every night when I am praying, I get to the point where I am praying for her and I start to cry. I wish I could take on some of her pains and just let her sleep good for one night and feel good for just one day. I want to help her and she says that I do, but I want to do more than just clean her car and things like that - I am struggling with it right now.
.....We are playing dodge ball today and we are taking some of the youth with us, it should be fun. I am sending some pictures of our dodge ball team, we are really sick!
Paul is getting baptized this weekend and I will be baptizing him. I am really stoked for that and I want to feel extra worthy and in tune so I have been focusing on that.
Someone tried to break into our house last night through the roof and someone stole a bunch of money from Vic, the guy who owns the furniture store we live in, so we are going to start carrying knives with us ( ha ha ha, just kidding don't freak out Mom). But I have to go. I love you guys very much. I got the pictures of Clayton. I love you all and thanks for everything.
Elder Skeen
Saturday, September 8, 2007
MORGAN BECOMES A UTE
Morgan is settled into school and soccer at the University of Utah. Her schedule is rigorous and it requires good balancing skills ( good preparation for motherhood - all you new mother's will appreciate that). She has been in school for 3 weeks and she has been to Arizona, California, Colorado and Washington with a scrimmage against Weber State in Salt Lake. Megan and Ryan will be blessing Addison next week and Morgan has two games in Salt Lake that weekend so we are able to pack a lot of family bonding into one weekend. Doug and I plan to fly up for several more games and the schedules even permitted a BYU football game or two. Doug has had a little trouble switching from Blue to Red but he now proudly wears his Utah Soccer T-shirt and red Utah hat.
GO UTES !!!!
GO UTES !!!!
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Our family tree
Here are some recent pictures of our family. We had Tracy and her kids down this weekend and Kelly and Tim came down also. The grandkids almost drove Doug to a hotel but when they were asleep it was great. We also went to watch Morgan play soccer for the first time. She is on a soccer scholarship to the University of Utah and starts as a freshman!!! We are very proud parents. There is also a picture of Linda at Caden's first soccer game giving him some directions during half time!
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